Hello world!

I have been gone for a while, where have I been, well for those who follow my blog will know we have returned to England from Portugal.  After several difficult years there we made the decision to return.  So many times I have wanted to blog it but there never seemed enough time or I didnt know where to start.

So where to start, well am I glad to be back?  Oh god yes, so happy to be 'home', it is strange at times and has taken us a little while to adjust, well we still are!  The first few days especially felt like we were here for the first time ever!  I felt like an alien in a new world trying to figure out these new ways of doing things and the differences in people's ways and manners.  It is like a whole different world for where we were in Portugal, everything seems different and generally better and busier!!  Much busier than what we have been used to, something which I think has taken our children most to adjust to.  But the increased choice and movement in life is refreshing.  I love to see the countryside, the trees, fields and streams that I so missed.

Do I think of Portugal?  Of course, but quickly remember the reality that we lived and put my mind firmly looking forward to creating a new life here.  Life is faster and more active, but that's good as life was too slow there, the weather was good but I enjoy the more variety here, too much sun can become boring!  I am glad in many ways we have moved to another area, to give us a completely fresh start, instead of trying to step back into a 'past' life.  We are finding new things and places and its great.  We left england when our daughter was barely 2 and half years old and therefore didnt really get to experience a 'family' life here but now we are back with older children and a new baby on the way, our perspective is very different and the area we are in is great with so many things to do.

So we are on a new path, a better path.  Its not easy but it is easier!

Adeusinho Portugal

So after much umming and urring, changing of minds and a lot of effort, we are leaving Portugal.

For those of you who regularly read my blog you will know that we have been through difficult times whilst living here, mostly brought on my the Global Financial Crisis.  We have been here 4 and a half years and tried to make it work, probably we didnt always make the best decisions which led us to the wrong place but that's life right!  You cannot see what is ahead so you make decisions with the information you have at the time, things havent turned out the way expected and led us down some hard roads.

So now we have the opportunity thanks to some very supportive people to make the move and a fresh start. Although sad to be leaving and disappointed at how things have turned out.  In truth it has taken me a while to get my head around leaving and the hope that we could find a way to stay, but now I see there is no way forward for us.  The situation in portugal is grave and will take several more years to improve.

So now instead of looking back, I can move on firmly looking forward, something I feel essential to creating a new and better life for ourselves.  It is a fresh start in a new part of the country with new opportunities to seize.  I know things wont be easy, but they cannot be as difficult as they have been!

This move has been on our minds for several months, while waiting for opportunities to come and most importantly a passport, without which we could not go anywhere, something so simple can be the key to a big decision.

So with a tinge of sadness but a heart full of hope, we say goodbye next weekend.

More strikes!

Today here in Portugal, there is yet another workers strike.  Firstly, dont get me wrong I am not against people having the right to strike but at the moment, it is seems to be every other week.  The workers unite to show their dissatifaction at how things are, lack of jobs, increased hours, increased taxes, reduced wages, but every other week!!  Striking every other week, will not make any difference.  It would be more effective to all combine for one moviment, after all arent they all striking for similar things.

And what they need to remember is everytime they take a day to strike, production is heavily prejudiced, putting this country further back in its efforts to pull itself out of this financial crisis.  Things are not easy, nor are they very fair, but you should be grateful for having a job.  Especially for all of those who are not in a job and for every time you strike a day, that is potentially another job in danger as companies struggle to survive while output is reduced through striking.

The strike which took place two weeks ago, caused some big problems for several people and businesses and was reported around the world, as I heard from several family and friends.  The leader who planned this strike was seen encouraging the crowd, which then turned to chaos causing injury to both protesters and the police.  It was awful to watch as it seemed like complete social breakdown, which went on for several hours.  Making Portugal and Lisbon especially, look unsafe and out of control.  I know of one hospitality business which lost several thousands euros of business, due to these events, as the clients pulled out due to the events of this day!  How many more businesses had the same problem.  We are desperately trying to bring people into the country and these events just put people off.

People need to see the bigger picture, striking every other week, only damages the country further and makes the struggle worse.  We need to work together, except the situation and build a better future!

The week that was.....

Last week was a terrible time for me and my family with many difficulties to overcome, but somehow we managed to get through with support and help from some very special people.  The last few weeks have been difficult waiting on things to happen, that should be happening, chasing people here and there and being fobbed off.  Living in a different country to where these things are taking place with little or no support there is very difficult.  You expect things to be done in a certain timescale but these things just dont happen.  The worry and frustration is painful.  Nothing seemingly to go in our favor and struggling to stay positive by finding the little silver linings and victories where they hide.  Which seems to be increasingly difficult.  I know many others are going through similar or worse things than we are and things could be worse or different problems, but I pray that once we are out of this situation and we will be eventually, we will never be here again!

But after a very hard week, the toughest of this year so far (of the worst year of my life), there appears to be some light at the end of the tunnel with agreements made and new opportunities found.  But until these things actually happen I dont count on anything for fear of being let down.  But maybe, just possibly, I hope we may be turning a corner.

The difficulties you meet will resolve themselves as you advance.  Proceed, and light will dawn, and shine with increasing clearness on your path ~ Jim Rohn

Saying Goodbye

Through a post on Tots100, I found this great new organisation called Saying Goodbye, who are working with several organisations such as the Miscarriage Association to organise memorial services in the memory of 'the lost ones' - the babies who we never got to meet.  Many, many people have been through this, more than I imagined until it happened to me.

All over the UK, they are organising these services to allow parents and family members to formally remember their lost babies.  What a great idea I think, to give people a chance to share with others who have been in a similiar experience and are there to support each other.

I, unfortunately have had the experience of losing two babies, one in a missed miscarriage and one through an ectopic pregnancy that put me into emergency surgery with serious internal bleeding.  I think of my lost babies often and it annoys me how some people can be so mis-understanding of those who have been through it, and there are many of us.  So for Saying Goodbye to organise these services is wonderful to help those who have been through it.

For more information about the organisation and the services being held, press here

My body is a temple,
Holding this precious gift safe and sound
Like a priceless treasure
Never to be lost, never to be found
(Anonymous)

Moving Stories by Vegemitevix

Vegemitevix has kindly added me to her Moving Stories collection - a collection of stories about real expats from all over the world and their experiences.  She has gathered the stories from 4 different expats to give their 'version' of expat life, the good, the bad, the sad!  They are very interesting to see all the different experiences people have when they become expats in different places.  Sometimes it works, sometimes not!

I have added my story, which is now sadly coming to an end, but would love for you to come and have a read and some of the others of course.

Moving stories: When an Expat life comes to an end

She will also be making the stories into an ebook very soon.

The sadness of leaving

So now we are in the preparation mode to leave Portugal and return to England where I have a new job to go to.  As anyone know has done this or anything similar the conflicting emotions you go through are terrible.  The rational mind fights with the irrational and although we have had a really rough time, hardest time of my life, I still dont want to go and somehow wish things could be different, even though we have done everything we can and the horizon here is grey.

We are leaving the sunny skies of the Algarve for the grey skies of the UK, in the hope of smoother sailing and more choices.  I know things will not be easy but it cannot be the storm we have here.

This last fortnight we have had my husbands family, all of them, he has 3 sisters, to parents and various nieces and nephews here in the Algarve.  Not staying with us, but we have spent some days with them.  Most of them live in or around Lisbon and one sister in Macau so these days they dont have much chance to be all together in an environment like this.  Yesterday was the last time we will see them for 'who knows' how long or when they will all be together again and that has made me sad.

And so now my emotional rollercoaster starts again.  When we made the decision to go, we were filled with conflicting thoughts and questions, then it settled down and we set our minds, determined to go, setting our rational mind over the emotional.  And then suddenly wham you are back on that rollercoaster, doubting your decision and trying to find another way.

I keep trying to think of how I felt when we left to come here and although apprehensive, it was exciting and full of promise but somehow with the move back, I dont feel the same way.  Maybe its because of the hard time we have had and the stigma that has left.  Im not sure but I know I need to get my head moving forward.

Why is change so hard?

So a monumental decision has been made in the past few days, spurred on by some other 'happenings' as well.  Now my head is spinning as I try to process this massive shift in our lives.

As some of you who read my blog know, we have been struggling here in Portugal with a lack of work and financial difficulties, due to that.  This has been going on, up and down for the past three years, but now we have decided to make a change (I could say give in, but I dont see it as giving in as I believe we have given it our best shot and tried all we can to turn this around) and have made the decision to return to England.  But this is by no means an easy decision and one I find I am questioning with my irrational head, but my rational head needs to step up.

Im sure with time I will get my head around it, just need to give it time to set it.