So now we are in the preparation mode to leave Portugal and return to England where I have a new job to go to. As anyone know has done this or anything similar the conflicting emotions you go through are terrible. The rational mind fights with the irrational and although we have had a really rough time, hardest time of my life, I still dont want to go and somehow wish things could be different, even though we have done everything we can and the horizon here is grey.
We are leaving the sunny skies of the Algarve for the grey skies of the UK, in the hope of smoother sailing and more choices. I know things will not be easy but it cannot be the storm we have here.
This last fortnight we have had my husbands family, all of them, he has 3 sisters, to parents and various nieces and nephews here in the Algarve. Not staying with us, but we have spent some days with them. Most of them live in or around Lisbon and one sister in Macau so these days they dont have much chance to be all together in an environment like this. Yesterday was the last time we will see them for 'who knows' how long or when they will all be together again and that has made me sad.
And so now my emotional rollercoaster starts again. When we made the decision to go, we were filled with conflicting thoughts and questions, then it settled down and we set our minds, determined to go, setting our rational mind over the emotional. And then suddenly wham you are back on that rollercoaster, doubting your decision and trying to find another way.
I keep trying to think of how I felt when we left to come here and although apprehensive, it was exciting and full of promise but somehow with the move back, I dont feel the same way. Maybe its because of the hard time we have had and the stigma that has left. Im not sure but I know I need to get my head moving forward.