Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The fear of disappointment

For anyone who has been in my situation, of joblessness knows the hardship of looking for work and the ups and downs that can bring.  Through it all I have generally remained hopeful, apart from my odd sleepless night and down day.  This period has been very tough on all of us, I think (and hope) we have managed to shield our children fairly well and they have been less affected but they still have been living with less than most of the friends.  But of course, there are others worse off than us. We have been lucky to have some important support from a couple of people.

But the thing that was the hardest for me was the let downs, which every time got worse.  The job interviews or contacts who gave a positive response of possible job confirmation or offers to then just vanish as if into thin air.  The getting your hopes up, allowing yourself to dream of a turn around in life, a new start, an improvement and more options, less stress, more happiness - only for that to be taken away.

Im not talking about a general job interview and you getting your hopes up but something which appeared more substantial. Its the worst feeling for me, but when you have someone giving you the impression or idea that they are really going to follow up, giving you the possibility of a big positive change in your life, only for that not to proceed is such a let down and something I had not experienced until this period in my life.  Of course, things have not turned my way at times but when in this situation, where someone gives you a 'light', a chance to get back on your feet and you believe them , only to be let down, worse each time.

I thought all this was behind me and positive changes ahead (which they are) but recently my husband was approached by someone he knew with an offer that could change our life for the foreseeable future, something of our dreams.  We knew it was probably too good to be true but you let yourself believe and dream, not seeing why or what benefit is to that person to fool you or lead you along.  But again, we were disappointed and let down, it made us take our eye off the path and look another way, build our hopes up and dream of a better way.  And that hurts.   


  1. Ugh. I think we could fill a book with our job offers that really only ever existed in someone's mind...there was a private uni focusing on business degrees for healthcare professionals that needed a dean (funding fell through, never opened), there was an IT consulting firm that needed someone to start a division to partner with public institutions (interviews, discussions, meetings for over a year, division still non-existent), there was a publishing company that was supposedly going to start producing ebooks (3 years later, still have not) and needed a marketing person.

    There have been at least a few others that I believe actually were real things right up until someone's boss's boss's nephew found himself in need of a job at the last minute. And it must be so much worse now than when we first got here.

    After working 4 months and never being paid myself, I don't even trust that a job is real around here despite hiring a nanny, planning lessons and standing in front of a roomful of students every day!

    Even the job A's been doing for 2.5 years only actually became real 9 months after interviewing.

    Aside from money issues, I think the constant roller coaster of hopefulness and letdown has gotta be one of the very worst parts of unemployment.

    I feel like those kinds of false promises only happen in the US when you are called in to interview for what is portrayed to be a real company but is infact Amway or some kind of multi-level marketing scam.

    You guys are doing the right thing.

    PS. Another expat blogger in Portugal that I've been following for a long time is going home too, sobsob: http://www.emmashouseinportugal.com/living-in-portugal/in-transit/

    1. Its surprising it is so common here in portugal, I just dont understand it and why people will waste their time making you false proposals. Plus it takes so long from start to finish of the process, its no wonder most of it never comes to fruition, its a big waste of time, energy and money.

  2. So sorry to hear this. I know exactly what you mean. I have the same up and down feelings as I try to figure out our path onwards. How it will all work out, I honestly don't know. But as I heard on TV the other night (can't remember where) 'It'll all be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end.' Good to cling to I reckon. Kia kaha ('stay strong') Vix x

    1. It is so difficult, but I never experienced this type of false promises and people wasting your time like here in portugal, not sure if its the situation here or just something I never came across before.

  3. A former boss in New Zealand once told me that often the people who get the jobs are the ones who are not necessarily the most qualified but the most persistent.
    Find out who YOU would like to work for and go see them, be perfectly prepared for an interview (on the off chance they give you one), leave them a well thought out and perfectly error free CV and most of all ooze confidence.
    Go back in person often and remind then that you are still interested... my old boss said that sometimes the job doesn't come up immediately but if you have your nose in their door often enough that you will be the first one they turn to when something does present itself.
    He's given jobs to people like this in the past because he saw they were REALLY interested and he never regretted it because they proved to be just as dedicated workers too.
    What do you have to loose? it so much harder to refuse someone in person... be the person who they don't want to refuse!

  4. Even though this blog is old, and the commenter is as close-minded as an Obamaniac facing the demise of their country, and STILL voting the bastard in (for a second time) I wish to state that Multi-Level marketing is NOT a scam, IF you work the business. No, it is not a wage-slave type of job, but it IS a Job, and you Can make money. But the modern X,Y,Z generation don't want to work... therefore, to them, it's a 'scam.' Ever realize that the American Fed Gov is ALSO a 'multi-level marketing' model... and it REALLY is a scam. Cheers. - Fr. John+