The times are a-changing!

The times are achanging, unfortunately not so much in my life as the weather. Every year is a little different at this time, and autumn is normally very slow and subtle. But this last week it changed in a big way, signifying summer is over! Although the lack of people about and restaurants closing early clearly signify the end of season :(

 The weather this week has turned overnight with cloud, rain and cooler temps. But I dont believe it is the end of the warm weather, as once the sun appears it soon warms up. I am reluctant to get the winter clothes out and am resisting as long as possible to put the duvets back on the beds!

Last year, the summer stayed for a long time and we were on the beach well into October but this year appears to be different. Many people say we dont really have an autumn as this change is so subtle, that overnight winter arrives to stay!

 As an english person I should have a natural aversion to rain and cloud but it never really bothered me. And to live in a place with such little rain and grey days is still something that is almost strange to me. This last year we have had such little rain, only about 6 days have we had any sight of rain and that was always short-lived. I start to crave something different from sunshine and blue sky! We were desperate for rain, I was craving to see the rain fall and then last week it did, it really came down. It was so refreshing and renewing somehow, and instead of making me down it lifted me.

Something I really miss from home is the proper changing of the seasons. When I was living there, it was something I didnt look forward to, the dark and cold nights. But now I miss it, especially the changing of the trees. Here, because we dont have the same type of trees and mostly because the temperature changes so slowly and subtley we dont not get the beautiful colours in the trees and I really miss it, more than ever. But its not just the trees, I am missing home, I have not been 'home' in over 3 years as much as I want to go, I have not been able to.

The sadness of leaving

So now we are in the preparation mode to leave Portugal and return to England where I have a new job to go to.  As anyone know has done this or anything similar the conflicting emotions you go through are terrible.  The rational mind fights with the irrational and although we have had a really rough time, hardest time of my life, I still dont want to go and somehow wish things could be different, even though we have done everything we can and the horizon here is grey.

We are leaving the sunny skies of the Algarve for the grey skies of the UK, in the hope of smoother sailing and more choices.  I know things will not be easy but it cannot be the storm we have here.

This last fortnight we have had my husbands family, all of them, he has 3 sisters, to parents and various nieces and nephews here in the Algarve.  Not staying with us, but we have spent some days with them.  Most of them live in or around Lisbon and one sister in Macau so these days they dont have much chance to be all together in an environment like this.  Yesterday was the last time we will see them for 'who knows' how long or when they will all be together again and that has made me sad.

And so now my emotional rollercoaster starts again.  When we made the decision to go, we were filled with conflicting thoughts and questions, then it settled down and we set our minds, determined to go, setting our rational mind over the emotional.  And then suddenly wham you are back on that rollercoaster, doubting your decision and trying to find another way.

I keep trying to think of how I felt when we left to come here and although apprehensive, it was exciting and full of promise but somehow with the move back, I dont feel the same way.  Maybe its because of the hard time we have had and the stigma that has left.  Im not sure but I know I need to get my head moving forward.

Three week pyjama party

When I was in hospital for a few days in the beginning of the month, my daughters slept in my bed, so when I came home and needed to recuperate, it was easier to bring our daughter or at least her mattress into our room! And so for the last 3 weeks she has stayed in our room, all 4 of us sleeping together in one room!! We have a three bedroom house and we all sleep in one room!

So today was the day to return to 'normal', we gave her room a good tidy as it had been used as a 'play room' for the last 3 weeks and was sooooo messy. And tonight the pyjama party ends and life returns to something that resembles 'normal' in my home, but the thing is, it makes me a little sad!  I have liked having both my children so close and being together more!

Being an expat.....

Being a British expat is not easy in these times, at least not for me and many people I know.  Many people who have had successful businesses for several years have seen their life turn upside down in the financial crisis.  People who have made their lives in another country which has become their home for decades are now having to give that life up and go back to their home country in the hope that 'home' will provide the shelter and support they need.  These are sad times in this case, for both the people who are losing their 'lives' and those who are then affected by that in a secondary way.  Something which keeps coming to my mind is all the restaurants and bars that are closing and how that affects these holiday resorts for now and the future.  Also all the expat services which are a great support to the expat community are disappearing, again making the expat's life more difficult.

For me, all I seem to hear are stories of problems and distress, not to mention the tough time we ourselves are having,  the job market is very small with no support.  Some of our good friends have decided to go back to England in the next month and it has put me into conflication.  What should we do, what can we do? Should we stay or go? It makes me remember and examine the reasons we came here, it's a big mess in my mind.  All the things to consider, quality of life vs cost of living. education, future prospects to name a few. How do you weigh all these different things up?

Then on the other hand I have read a couple of articles, posts lately about people talking about emigrating out of the UK, because of the lack of jobs, cost of living - the complete opposite of what I am thinking.  At the moment there seems to be very few people doing well and the people who are surviving here are generally people who have online businesses or can work remotely, such as designers, writers etc, the people who do not rely on the geographical location for work opportunities.  I know no where is having it easy at the moment in terms of lack of work, rising costs, austerity measures, the list goes on, but how do you make that decision of what's best without having just a 'grass is greener' mentality.  It is a normal reaction when times are hard to want to run home, isnt it?

Home Comforts

I have this thing, that Im not good in other people's houses and am even worse with people in my house.  I wasnt so bad when I was younger but now I have children, I find it difficult to be away from home and crave my comfort zone.  Im sure that is all is it, the familiarity of my own space, but when you have children that get up before 7am, and dont have their own things and all that goes with that, it makes it difficult.

I am a terrible host, terrible, I just dont know how to have people in my house, but its not that I dont like having people, I just dont know what to do, which I think comes from my childhood when we didnt have many visitors so it was something I was not used to and never really learned how to do.  Some may say, it's not something which needs to be learned but it is, you have to know how to be with people in your space, how to be a host, just as you learn any other social skill.

We are currently staying with my sister-in-law, who so kindly offered her house to us over the Christmas period, but I am always worried that Im not helping enough or getting in her way (but Im sure she would say something), but aside of all this, I find it hard to be away from home.  I am a complete homebody these days and could probably be a hermit given a chance!

The Gallery: Home

This week on the The Gallery, the theme is Home.

Home is where the heart is, and my heart is where my family is.

  

This is my lounge, it is messy, but it is where we spend most of our time.  It is a seating room, a TV room, a workspace, a playroom, a dining room and a library(?)  This is the place where we can all do our things and be together, this, as messy and disorganised as it is, is my favourite place in our house.  Although I wouldnt complain to have a separate play room and dining room and office, but first I need to win the lotto, so for now, this will do me to have my family together.

This week's theme on the Gallery is home.  What is 'home' to you?  Come and see the other entries over at Sticky Fingers